Nancy May: 00:00:00

How do you manage your parents incontinence issues

Nancy May: 00:00:03

when you're their adult child?

Nancy May: 00:00:05

Stay tuned.

Nancy May: 00:00:06

This is a story you might want to hear.

Nancy May: 00:00:14

My dad and I always had a great relationship.

Nancy May: 00:00:17

Growing up, I loved it when Mom took my sister and me to Dad's factory and office.

Nancy May: 00:00:22

I'd walk the factory floor with him and ask questions about

Nancy May: 00:00:25

how everyone did their job.

Nancy May: 00:00:28

Curious about the art and creativity that went into every facet, I watched with

Nancy May: 00:00:33

deep fascination, as Uncle Joe, or Aunt Sally, as we called everybody, shared with

Nancy May: 00:00:39

great pride how they made the eyeglasses and frames that Dad designed and crafted.

Nancy May: 00:00:46

As years passed, my interest and respect for what he did continued to grow.

Nancy May: 00:00:51

A new lesson or skill was around every corner, in every

Nancy May: 00:00:55

piece of material and magazine.

Nancy May: 00:00:58

He'd bring home Vogue, Women's Wear Daily, And material samples that he'd

Nancy May: 00:01:03

bring home to assess color and style.

Nancy May: 00:01:07

From those early days, dad showed me and taught me how to observe and think

Nancy May: 00:01:13

through and work through many problems, whether they be business or personal.

Nancy May: 00:01:18

But when I took over as mom and dad's POA, Even though Dad had prepared me the

Nancy May: 00:01:23

best he could for taking over as now co head of the family with Dad as my wingman,

Nancy May: 00:01:30

taking over to learn how to assess and determine what problems to fix weren't

Nancy May: 00:01:35

as easy as he'd planned or hoped for me.

Nancy May: 00:01:39

Stepping in to help with such personal things as Dad's evolving issues with

Nancy May: 00:01:43

incontinence was just one example.

Nancy May: 00:01:46

Overseeing their care from 1, 200 miles away had its advantages and

Nancy May: 00:01:50

disadvantages for sure, and understanding the impact of his incontinence was one

Nancy May: 00:01:55

of those, what do I do now moments.

Nancy May: 00:01:59

Really?

Nancy May: 00:02:00

So that it wouldn't be such a burden on her and others to convince dad

Nancy May: 00:02:04

to first wear disposables and then admit to the fact that he needed

Nancy May: 00:02:09

to change his disposable underwear more frequently than once a day.

Nancy May: 00:02:14

Okay, let's see how we're going to handle this one, Nance.

Nancy May: 00:02:20

my first thoughts were to help Dad and still keep his pride and dignity intact.

Nancy May: 00:02:28

So, through research an acupuncturist who ensured she could resolve Dad's problem.

Nancy May: 00:02:35

Acupuncture was a tool that Dad had used in the past and was open to the idea,

Nancy May: 00:02:40

so I thought this would be an easy one.

Nancy May: 00:02:42

However this acupuncturist was a bit more on the spa like environment side,

Nancy May: 00:02:48

versus one that was in a more medical environment, which Dad was comfortable

Nancy May: 00:02:52

with and had used in the past.

Nancy May: 00:02:55

The soft music, warm lights, and feminine curtains made Dad think,

Nancy May: 00:03:02

Okay, Nance, I'll trust you here.

Nancy May: 00:03:05

I could almost see the balloon over his head saying that.

Nancy May: 00:03:08

After several treatments, and no changes or response, and an insistence

Nancy May: 00:03:13

from the acupuncturist that this would take a lot more time, and a few more

Nancy May: 00:03:18

costly treatments, both both dad and I happily decided to save our time

Nancy May: 00:03:23

and money and call this option quits.

Nancy May: 00:03:26

Honestly, trips to Papa Clyde's ice cream shop proved to be a lot more

Nancy May: 00:03:30

enjoyable together and did not impact his urinary issues one way or another,

Nancy May: 00:03:36

but it certainly put a smile on his face.

Nancy May: 00:03:38

And mine too.

Nancy May: 00:03:42

Now, stuck and looking for other options for the same issue still prevailing, Dad's

Nancy May: 00:03:47

GP, doctor, through the insistence of that same lead aide, and yes, she was let go

Nancy May: 00:03:53

shortly thereafter for a variety of other reasons as well, recommended a urologist.

Nancy May: 00:04:00

Thankfully, for that appointment, another aide went with us.

Nancy May: 00:04:04

you see, Dad had not seen a urologist, in years, and likely even since I was

Nancy May: 00:04:09

a kid, if at all, not knowing myself what happens at a male urology exam,

Nancy May: 00:04:16

we were both in for a rude awakening.

Nancy May: 00:04:18

You see, all right, I'll spare you the details, but whatever he did, had

Nancy May: 00:04:25

dad running out of that exam room with his pants down around his knees and

Nancy May: 00:04:29

my soon to be lead aide running after him trying to help and calm him down.

Nancy May: 00:04:33

We both felt terribly embarrassed and bad for what we had put

Nancy May: 00:04:37

dad through at that time.

Nancy May: 00:04:40

He wouldn't look at me in the face after that one for the rest of

Nancy May: 00:04:42

the day, even though we had all gone to lunch together to try and

Nancy May: 00:04:46

diffuse the issue and bad feelings.

Nancy May: 00:04:48

Later, I learned that Dad thought the guy was actually

Nancy May: 00:04:51

trying to sexually accost him.

Nancy May: 00:04:54

Gah!

Nancy May: 00:04:55

What was I thinking?

Nancy May: 00:04:57

OMG, how do you, as a daughter, respond to that one?

Nancy May: 00:05:01

All in the name of trying to help my dad, and now fired former lead aide.

Nancy May: 00:05:07

Thankfully, my dad had great faith in my ability and patience with the

Nancy May: 00:05:11

learning curve we went through together to make his life and mom's life.

Nancy May: 00:05:16

Happy, safe, comfortable, and financially sound right to their final days.

Nancy May: 00:05:23

The moral of this episode is caring for parents we love, no matter what

Nancy May: 00:05:28

your medical professional or personal qualifications are, take time, time and

Nancy May: 00:05:34

understanding both theirs and yours.

Nancy May: 00:05:38

They take patience, patience and actually understanding that you're probably

Nancy May: 00:05:43

not going to get it right the first time, and even medical professionals

Nancy May: 00:05:48

don't know the answers all the time.

Nancy May: 00:05:51

You know your parents better than anybody else, and you can try, and

Nancy May: 00:05:55

if they have trust in you, they will listen, and together, you're going to

Nancy May: 00:05:59

go over a few humps, but in the end, things will always work out fine.

Nancy May: 00:06:05

They take understanding, as I said earlier, theirs and yours, and your aides,

Nancy May: 00:06:11

and the other professionals you work with as well, too, and a little, if not

Nancy May: 00:06:17

a lot, of experimentation along the way.

Nancy May: 00:06:21

Everybody's slightly different.

Nancy May: 00:06:22

You, your folks, your siblings, and your entire family.

Nancy May: 00:06:27

We did eventually figure out how to help Dad.

Nancy May: 00:06:30

That involved making sure that every aide we employed had the head, and

Nancy May: 00:06:35

the heart, and the wherewithal to cope with Dad's bodily changes as he aged.

Nancy May: 00:06:41

For women, it seems to be a little bit easier, as most aides are female too.

Nancy May: 00:06:46

If an aide didn't care for dad's dignity as much as his physical issues, We

Nancy May: 00:06:51

changed them out in less than a heartbeat.

Nancy May: 00:06:54

It also meant moving fast when his undergarments needed to be changed

Nancy May: 00:06:58

so he wasn't sitting in wet pants.

Nancy May: 00:07:01

For those who haven't been down this path, it's important to know that wet

Nancy May: 00:07:05

underwear against aging, thin, and frail skin can quickly result in irritation

Nancy May: 00:07:11

and eventually, and potentially, life threatening wounds if left untreated.

Nancy May: 00:07:17

attention to such detail, as uncomfortable as it might be for you

Nancy May: 00:07:21

and them, is critical to a good life.

Nancy May: 00:07:24

Every single day, as the old saying goes, in a more polite way,

Nancy May: 00:07:29

of course, poop and pee happens.

Nancy May: 00:07:33

how we help our parents through this part of aging is just as important as a

Nancy May: 00:07:37

phone call or visit to say, I love you.

Nancy May: 00:07:41

Actions speak louder than words, even when they don't hear you.

Nancy May: 00:07:46

Here are three tips that can help you and your folks through this process.

Nancy May: 00:07:51

as I said earlier, I actually think this is an easier transition for women who do

Nancy May: 00:07:56

need to wear incontinent underwear, as we've all had to use sanitary products

Nancy May: 00:08:01

of some sort throughout our lives.

Nancy May: 00:08:03

That's just how we work.

Nancy May: 00:08:06

For men and our dads, I believe this is a lot more difficult.

Nancy May: 00:08:10

And can be personally humiliating, if not downright tough.

Nancy May: 00:08:15

first, if at all possible, empower with choice.

Nancy May: 00:08:21

Try to explain what might happen if.

Nancy May: 00:08:25

Now, the stories don't need to be nasty, or pushy, or too graphic.

Nancy May: 00:08:30

and if this is done well, your storytelling will involve your

Nancy May: 00:08:34

parents in the process about when to start using a product.

Nancy May: 00:08:39

Also, which product is most comfortable and best used for

Nancy May: 00:08:43

each time of day or situation.

Nancy May: 00:08:46

This can help them feel in just a little bit more control.

Nancy May: 00:08:49

No pun intended.

Nancy May: 00:08:52

Two, focus on comfort.

Nancy May: 00:08:55

Select high quality products that are not only absorbent, but are

Nancy May: 00:08:59

designed to be more comfortable than those really cheap ones.

Nancy May: 00:09:03

comfort can reduce resistance to wearing protective underwear, period.

Nancy May: 00:09:08

They will also help reduce abrasion or skin sores due to scratchy textures

Nancy May: 00:09:13

on delicate or frail older skin.

Nancy May: 00:09:15

That, in turn, as said earlier, will reduce the chances of other

Nancy May: 00:09:19

critical health issues And your concern for their well being too.

Nancy May: 00:09:24

Three, work to set up and maintain a routine

Nancy May: 00:09:29

a scheduled routine will help you or a caregiver from having to force the need

Nancy May: 00:09:34

to keep checking to see if they're wet and then harassing them to get changed.

Nancy May: 00:09:40

Okay.

Nancy May: 00:09:40

It kind of sounds like they're kids, but they're not.

Nancy May: 00:09:43

Our parents are not infants.

Nancy May: 00:09:46

As I've said in previous episodes, this is one of my personal pet peeves.

Nancy May: 00:09:51

Please know they are still our parents and we are still their children.

Nancy May: 00:09:57

Adults, or maybe not at times, and treating them as such is

Nancy May: 00:10:03

healthy for them as well as you.

Nancy May: 00:10:06

I hope this episode gives you a few more tools to make it easier to deal with

Nancy May: 00:10:11

the challenges of supporting your folks and caring for them, whether that be

Nancy May: 00:10:15

around the block or from 1200 miles away.

Nancy May: 00:10:19

And don't forget to get the book, How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies.

Nancy May: 00:10:23

this is one of those numbers that you will likely call more than

Nancy May: 00:10:27

calling to check in on mom and dad.

Nancy May: 00:10:30

It can make a huge difference in the type of care that they receive in the ER and

Nancy May: 00:10:34

you too, especially if you know what to do before, during, and after a hospital stay.

Nancy May: 00:10:42

On that note, incontinence is not an easy subject for anybody to deal

Nancy May: 00:10:47

with, but hopefully this is one that will make your time going through

Nancy May: 00:10:52

this stage just a little bit easier.

Nancy May: 00:10:54

And, more importantly, just a little bit easier for your folks too.

Nancy May: 00:10:59

If you like this show, please share it with a friend, a family member,

Nancy May: 00:11:04

or somebody that you even meet at Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts online who

Nancy May: 00:11:08

look like they're going through some stress and strain and just might need a

Nancy May: 00:11:12

little bit more help with mom and dad.

Nancy May: 00:11:14

It can be your gift to them.

Nancy May: 00:11:16

Even if you don't know them, because it's our gift to you.

Nancy May: 00:11:21

And before I go, Dad, if you're listening from the stars, please

Nancy May: 00:11:26

forgive me for sharing some of your more personal issues in such a public way.

Nancy May: 00:11:31

But I know you understand that we're both working to help

Nancy May: 00:11:34

others do well and do good.

Nancy May: 00:11:37

That's what we do, right?

Nancy May: 00:11:42

Here is another spring short from Eldercare Success, and this one is a,

Nancy May: 00:11:47

and this one is a difficult subject.

Nancy May: 00:11:50

That's, and this one's, Welcome to Another Spring Short of Eldercare Success.

Nancy May: 00:11:58

This one's about a really tough subject that we probably, this, this

Nancy May: 00:12:08

is another spring short from Eldercare Success.

Nancy May: 00:12:11

And it's a subject that is probably going to make you feel a little uncomfortable.

Nancy May: 00:12:15

How do you discuss incontinence with your folks?

Nancy May: 00:12:18

Theirs, not yours.

Nancy May: 00:12:21

Stay tuned.

Nancy May: 00:12:22

This is one you're going to want to listen to.

Nancy May: 00:12:30

And yes, it's a true story.

Nancy May: 00:12:36

Love you lots.

Nancy May: 00:12:38

Bye bye.

Nancy May: 00:12:46

Here is another spring short from Eldercare Success, and this one is a,

Nancy May: 00:12:52

and this one is a difficult subject.

Nancy May: 00:12:54

That's, and this one's, Welcome to Another Spring Short of Eldercare Success.

Nancy May: 00:13:02

This one's about a really tough subject that we probably, this, this

Nancy May: 00:13:12

is another spring short from Eldercare Success.

Nancy May: 00:13:15

And it's a subject that is probably going to make you feel a little uncomfortable.

Nancy May: 00:13:20

How do you discuss incontinence with your folks?

Nancy May: 00:13:23

Theirs, not yours.

Nancy May: 00:13:26

Stay tuned.

Nancy May: 00:13:27

This is one you're going to want to listen to.

Nancy May: 00:13:34

And yes, it's a true story.

Nancy May: 00:13:47

How to Manage Incontinence.

Nancy May: 00:13:49

How do you manage a dad?

Nancy May: 00:13:53

How do you manage your parents incontinence issues when

Nancy May: 00:13:56

you're their adult child?

Nancy May: 00:13:59

Stay tuned.

Nancy May: 00:14:00

This is a story you might want to learn from.

Nancy May: 00:14:05

Stay tuned.

Nancy May: 00:14:06

This is a story you might want to hear.

Nancy May: 00:14:13

My dad and I always had a great relationship.

Nancy May: 00:14:17

Growing up, I loved it when Mom took my sister and me to Dad's factory and office.

Nancy May: 00:14:22

I'd walk the factory floor with him and ask questions about

Nancy May: 00:14:25

how everyone did their job.

Nancy May: 00:14:27

Curious about the art and creativity that went into every facet, I watched with

Nancy May: 00:14:32

deep fascination, as Uncle Joe, or Aunt Sally, as we called everybody, shared with

Nancy May: 00:14:39

great pride how they made the eyeglasses and frames that Dad designed and crafted.

Nancy May: 00:14:51

As years passed, my interest and respect for what he did continued to grow.

Nancy May: 00:14:57

A new lesson or skill was around every corner, in every

Nancy May: 00:15:01

piece of material and magazine.

Nancy May: 00:15:04

He'd bring home Vogue, Women's Wear Daily, and material samples he'd bring

Nancy May: 00:15:09

from And material samples that he'd bring home to assess color and style.

Nancy May: 00:15:16

Those early days,

Nancy May: 00:15:21

from those early days, I observed how to think and work through problems.

Nancy May: 00:15:27

From those early days, dad showed me and taught me how to observe and think

Nancy May: 00:15:32

through and work through many problems, whether they be business or personal.

Nancy May: 00:15:37

But when I took over as mom and dad's POA, Even though Dad had prepared me the

Nancy May: 00:15:42

best he could for taking over as now co head of the family with Dad as my wingman,

Nancy May: 00:15:49

taking over to learn how to assess and determine what problems to fix weren't

Nancy May: 00:15:54

as easy as he'd planned or hoped for me.

Nancy May: 00:16:02

Stepping in to help with such personal things as Dad's evolving issues with

Nancy May: 00:16:06

incontinence was just one example.

Nancy May: 00:16:10

Overseeing their care from 1, 200 miles away had its advantages and

Nancy May: 00:16:13

disadvantages for sure, and understanding the impact of his incontinence was one

Nancy May: 00:16:18

of those, what do I do now moments.

Nancy May: 00:16:25

Our lead aide, who I'd hired, and yes, eventually fired, but that's

Nancy May: 00:16:30

for another episode, had convinced me that there was a way to dry dad up.

Nancy May: 00:16:37

Really?

Nancy May: 00:16:38

So what?

Nancy May: 00:16:43

Really?

Nancy May: 00:16:44

So that it wouldn't be such a burden on her and others to convince dad

Nancy May: 00:16:48

to first wear disposables and then admit to the fact that he needed

Nancy May: 00:16:53

to change his disposable underwear more frequently than once a day.

Nancy May: 00:16:58

Okay, let's see how we're going to handle this one, Nance.

Nancy May: 00:17:04

So one of my thirs so one of my first thoughts was to help dad,

Nancy May: 00:17:14

so one of my first thoughts, so my first thoughts were to first So my

Nancy May: 00:17:21

first thoughts were to help Dad and still keep his pride and dignity intact.

Nancy May: 00:17:29

So, through research, So through So through research an acupuncturist who

Nancy May: 00:17:37

ensured she could resolve Dad's problem.

Nancy May: 00:17:44

Acupuncture was a tool that Dad had used in the past and was open to the idea,

Nancy May: 00:17:48

so I thought this would be an easy one.

Nancy May: 00:17:50

However, this acupuncturist was a bit more on the spa like environment side,

Nancy May: 00:17:59

versus one that was more medical y environment, versus one that was in a

Nancy May: 00:18:04

more medical environment, which Dad was comfortable with and had used in the past.

Nancy May: 00:18:10

The soft music, warm lights, and feminine curtains made Dad think,

Nancy May: 00:18:17

Okay, Nance, I'll trust you here.

Nancy May: 00:18:20

I could almost see the balloon over his head saying that.

Nancy May: 00:18:25

After several pre After several treatments, and no changes or response,

Nancy May: 00:18:31

and an insistence from the acupuncturist that this would take a lot more time,

Nancy May: 00:18:36

and a few more costly treatments, both dad and I decided, both dad and

Nancy May: 00:18:42

I happily decided to save our time and money and call this option quits.

Nancy May: 00:18:48

Honestly, trips to Papa Clyde's ice cream shop proved to be a lot more

Nancy May: 00:18:52

enjoyable together and did not impact his urinary issues one way or another,

Nancy May: 00:18:58

but it certainly put a smile on his face.

Nancy May: 00:19:00

And mine too.

Nancy May: 00:19:05

Now, looking for other options for the same issue that was still

Nancy May: 00:19:08

prevailing, Dad's GP or doctor thought,

Nancy May: 00:19:18

now, looking for options.

Nancy May: 00:19:21

Now, stuck and looking for other options for the same issue

Nancy May: 00:19:24

still prevailing, is Dad's GP.

Nancy May: 00:19:28

Dad's GP, doctor, through the insistence of that same lead aide, and yes,

Nancy May: 00:19:34

she was let go shortly thereafter for a variety of other reasons

Nancy May: 00:19:37

as well, recommended a urologist.

Nancy May: 00:19:42

Thankfully, for that appointment, another aide went with us.

Nancy May: 00:19:48

You see, Dad had not, you see, Dad had, you see, Dad had not seen a

Nancy May: 00:19:52

urologist, likely in years, and likely even since I was a kid, if at

Nancy May: 00:19:58

all, not knowing myself what happens at a male urology exam, my Dad,

Nancy May: 00:20:13

not knowing what would happen in a urology exam with my Dad, we

Nancy May: 00:20:17

were both in for a rude awakening.

Nancy May: 00:20:19

You see, all right, I'll spare you the details, but what he did, but whatever

Nancy May: 00:20:28

he did, had dad running out of that exam room with his pants down around his knees

Nancy May: 00:20:33

and my soon to be lead aide running after him trying to help and calm him down.

Nancy May: 00:20:38

We both felt terribly embarrassed and bad for what we had put

Nancy May: 00:20:42

dad through at that time.

Nancy May: 00:20:46

Dad wouldn't look me in the face.

Nancy May: 00:20:52

The three of us went to lunch, and Dad wouldn't look me in the face

Nancy May: 00:20:55

after that for the rest of the day.

Nancy May: 00:21:05

We finally got our things back together, and all bundled back into the We

Nancy May: 00:21:10

finally got our things back together, and all jumped back into the car.

Nancy May: 00:21:15

He wouldn't look at me in the face after that one for the rest of

Nancy May: 00:21:18

the day, even though we had all gone to lunch together to try and

Nancy May: 00:21:21

diffuse the issue and bad feelings.

Nancy May: 00:21:25

Later, I learned that Dad thought the guy was actually

Nancy May: 00:21:28

trying to sexually accost him.

Nancy May: 00:21:31

Gah!

Nancy May: 00:21:32

What was I thinking?

Nancy May: 00:21:39

OMG, how do you, as a daughter, respond to that one?

Nancy May: 00:21:44

All in the name of trying to help my dad, and now fired former lead aide.

Nancy May: 00:21:55

Thankfully, my dad and I had great, thankfully, thankfully, my dad

Nancy May: 00:22:02

had great faith in my ability and patience with my learning curve.

Nancy May: 00:22:08

Thankfully, my dad had great faith in my ability.

Nancy May: 00:22:12

and Patience in My Learning Curve as we went through many things together

Nancy May: 00:22:16

to make his life and mom's life.

Nancy May: 00:22:24

Thankfully, my dad had great faith in my ability and patience

Nancy May: 00:22:28

with the learning curve.

Nancy May: 00:22:33

Thankfully, my dad had great faith and ability.

Nancy May: 00:22:37

Thankfully, my dad had great faith in my ability and patience with the

Nancy May: 00:22:41

learning curve we went through together to make his life and mom's life.

Nancy May: 00:22:47

Happy, safe, comfortable, and financially sound right to their final days.

Nancy May: 00:22:56

The moral of this episode is caring for parents we love, no matter what

Nancy May: 00:23:01

your medical professional or personal qualifications are, take time, time and

Nancy May: 00:23:07

understanding both theirs and yours.

Nancy May: 00:23:11

They take patience, patience and actually understanding that you're probably not

Nancy May: 00:23:17

going to get it right the first time.

Nancy May: 00:23:19

And even medical professionals don't know the answers all the time.

Nancy May: 00:23:24

You know your parents better than anybody else, and you can try, and

Nancy May: 00:23:28

if they have trust in you, they will listen, and together, you're going to

Nancy May: 00:23:32

go over a few humps, but in the end, things will always work out fine.

Nancy May: 00:23:39

They take understanding, as I said earlier, theirs and yours, and your

Nancy May: 00:23:44

aides, and the other professionals you work with as well, too, and a little

Nancy May: 00:23:49

experimentation, and a little, if not a lot, of experimentation along the way.

Nancy May: 00:23:56

Everybody's slightly different.

Nancy May: 00:23:58

You, your folks, your siblings, and your entire family.

Nancy May: 00:24:05

We did eventually figure out how to help Dad.

Nancy May: 00:24:09

That involved making sure that every aide we employed had the head, and

Nancy May: 00:24:13

the heart, and the wherewithal to cope with Dad's bodily changes as he aged.

Nancy May: 00:24:19

For women, it seems to be a little bit easier, as most aides are female too.

Nancy May: 00:24:24

If an aide doesn't care,

Nancy May: 00:24:30

if an aide didn't care for Dad's dignity as much as his figure, If an

Nancy May: 00:24:35

aide didn't care for dad's physical dignity as much as his issues, If an

Nancy May: 00:24:42

aide didn't care for dad's dignity as much as his physical issues, We changed

Nancy May: 00:24:46

them out in less than a heartbeat.

Nancy May: 00:24:51

It also meant moving fast when his undergarments needed to be changed

Nancy May: 00:24:55

so he wasn't sitting in wet pants.

Nancy May: 00:24:58

For those who haven't been down this path, it's important to know that wet

Nancy May: 00:25:02

underwear against aging, thin, and frail skin can quickly result in irritation

Nancy May: 00:25:08

and eventually, and potentially, life threatening wounds if left untreated.

Nancy May: 00:25:15

So attention to such detail, as uncomfortable as it might be.

Nancy May: 00:25:20

So attention to such detail, as in, so attention to such detail, as

Nancy May: 00:25:26

uncomfortable as it might be for you and them, is critical to a good life.

Nancy May: 00:25:31

Every single day, as the old saying goes, in a more polite

Nancy May: 00:25:36

way, of course, NP happens.

Nancy May: 00:25:43

How we help our parents, how we help our parents through this part of

Nancy May: 00:25:47

aging is just as important as a phone call or visit to say, I love you.

Nancy May: 00:25:54

Actions speak louder than words, even when they don't hear you.

Nancy May: 00:25:59

Here are three tips that can help you and your folks through this process.

Nancy May: 00:26:05

I actually said, as I said earlier, as I said earlier, I actually think it's easier

Nancy May: 00:26:13

trans, as I said earlier, I actually think this is an easier transition for women

Nancy May: 00:26:19

who do need to wear incontinent underwear, as we've all had to use sanitary products

Nancy May: 00:26:24

of some sort throughout our lives.

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That's just how we work.

Nancy May: 00:26:29

For men and our dads, I believe this is a lot more difficult than we can person.

Nancy May: 00:26:35

For men and our dads, I believe this is a lot more difficult than can

Nancy May: 00:26:40

be person for men and our dads, I believe this is a lot more difficult.

Nancy May: 00:26:47

And can be personally humiliating, if not downright tough.

Nancy May: 00:26:55

First of all, first, if at all possible, empower with choice.

Nancy May: 00:27:03

Try to explain what might happen if.

Nancy May: 00:27:07

Now, the stories don't need to be nasty, or pushy, or too graphic.

Nancy May: 00:27:13

And if done well, they will involve your parents in the decision process,

Nancy May: 00:27:21

and if done well, will, and if this is done well, your storytelling

Nancy May: 00:27:28

will involve your parents decision making in the process about

Nancy May: 00:27:32

when to start using a product.

Nancy May: 00:27:35

Also, which product is most comfortable and best used for

Nancy May: 00:27:39

each time of day or situation.

Nancy May: 00:27:42

This can help them feel in just a little bit more control.

Nancy May: 00:27:46

No pun intended.

Nancy May: 00:27:52

Focus on comfort.

Nancy May: 00:27:54

Select high quality product.

Nancy May: 00:27:57

Two, focus on comfort.

Nancy May: 00:28:00

Select high quality products that are not only absorbent, but are

Nancy May: 00:28:04

designed to be more comfortable than those really cheap ones.

Nancy May: 00:28:08

Comfort can reduce, comfort can reduce resistance to wearing

Nancy May: 00:28:13

protective underwear, period.

Nancy May: 00:28:16

They will also help reduce abrasion or skin sores due to scratchy textures

Nancy May: 00:28:20

on delicate or frail older skin.

Nancy May: 00:28:23

That, in turn, as said earlier, will reduce the chances of other

Nancy May: 00:28:27

critical health issues and your concern for their well being, too.

Nancy May: 00:28:33

And your concern for their well being too.

Nancy May: 00:28:39

Work to, three, work to set up and maintain a routine to increase

Nancy May: 00:28:45

their privacy and respect.

Nancy May: 00:28:47

Try to establish a routine that respects privacy, like scheduling, try to

Nancy May: 00:28:54

establish a routine that respects privacy.

Nancy May: 00:28:57

Like scheduling regular times for bathroom breaks and changes, which, which

Nancy May: 00:29:04

if uncomfortable for you, can gently,

Nancy May: 00:29:12

which, if uncomfortable for you, can gently yet professionally be

Nancy May: 00:29:16

handled by a trusted caregiver.

Nancy May: 00:29:21

Which, if uncomfortable for you, can be gently handled

Nancy May: 00:29:25

by a professional caregiver,

Nancy May: 00:29:29

which, if uncomfortable for you, can be gently yet professionally

Nancy May: 00:29:33

handled by a trusted caregiver, who's been down this road before.

Nancy May: 00:29:40

This will help you as a caregiver.

Nancy May: 00:29:42

For having to force the need to keep

Nancy May: 00:29:49

a schedule or routine will help you or a caregiver from having

Nancy May: 00:29:53

to force your parents to need

Nancy May: 00:29:58

a scheduled routine will help you or a caregiver from having to force the need

Nancy May: 00:30:03

to keep checking to see if they're wet and then harassing them to get changed.

Nancy May: 00:30:10

Okay.

Nancy May: 00:30:10

It kind of sounds like they're kids, but they're not.

Nancy May: 00:30:14

Our parents are not infants.

Nancy May: 00:30:16

As I've said in previous episodes, this is one of my personal pet peeves.

Nancy May: 00:30:22

Please know we are still our,

Nancy May: 00:30:27

please know they are still our parents and we are still their children.

Nancy May: 00:30:33

Please know we are still our parents.

Nancy May: 00:30:37

Please know they are still our parents and we are still their children.

Nancy May: 00:30:43

Adults, or maybe not at times, and treating them as such is healthy

Nancy May: 00:30:50

and treating them as such is healthy for them as well as you.

Nancy May: 00:30:59

I hope this episode has given you a few more tools to make it easier.

Nancy May: 00:31:04

I hope this episode gives you a few more tools to ease the challenges

Nancy May: 00:31:08

of supporting or caring for our folks that from time to time,

Nancy May: 00:31:16

I hope this episode gives you a few more tools to make it easier.

Nancy May: 00:31:21

To deal with the challenges of supporting your folks and caring

Nancy May: 00:31:24

for them, whether that be around the block or from 1, 200 miles away.

Nancy May: 00:31:29

And don't forget to get the book, How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies.

Nancy May: 00:31:33

This is one of the, this is one of those numbers that you will likely call more

Nancy May: 00:31:40

than calling to check in on mom and dad.

Nancy May: 00:31:43

It can make a huge difference in the type of care that they receive in the

Nancy May: 00:31:46

ER and you too, especially when you know, especially if you know what to do

Nancy May: 00:31:53

before, during, and after a hospital stay.

Nancy May: 00:31:58

On that note, This is not an easy subject for anybody to, on that note, incontinence

Nancy May: 00:32:05

is not an easy subject for anybody to deal with, but hopefully this is one

Nancy May: 00:32:11

that will make your time going through this stage just a little bit easier.

Nancy May: 00:32:16

And more importantly, just a little easier, and more importantly, just a

Nancy May: 00:32:21

little bit easier for your folks too.

Nancy May: 00:32:24

If you like this show, please share it with a friend, a family member,

Nancy May: 00:32:28

or somebody that you even meet at Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts online

Nancy May: 00:32:32

who look like they're going through some stress and strain and just might

Nancy May: 00:32:36

need a little, and just might need a little bit more help with mom and dad.

Nancy May: 00:32:41

It can be your gift to them.

Nancy May: 00:32:43

Even if you don't know them, because it's our gift to you.

Nancy May: 00:32:48

And before I go, dad, if you're listening from the stars, please

Nancy May: 00:32:53

forgive me for sharing some of your more personal issues in such a public way.

Nancy May: 00:32:58

But I know you understand.

Nancy May: 00:33:00

We're both working to help others do well and do good.

Nancy May: 00:33:04

That's what we do, right?

Nancy May: 00:33:06

Love you lots.

Nancy May: 00:33:07

Bye bye.