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it's Nancy May in Doing it Best With Eldercare Success.

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Every day has its opportunity to learn something new when you're a

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caregiver, and even when you're not.

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I love learning, and I'm hoping you do too.

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Well, I'm guessing you do.

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But the stress and strain of caregiving is sometimes not the kind of lesson

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you want to learn from, or the type of experience you want to learn from.

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It's not easy,

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and I understand that.

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But my job here is to make it just a little bit easier, if not a lot

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easier, for you and your family.

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I want to share a conversation that I recently had with a potential caregiver.

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And we all are, at some point in our lives, whether we want to go there or not.

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in this particular case, this fellow was trying to figure out

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how to help his mom and dad.

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Dad was taking care of mom, some early signs of maybe some cognitive issues

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with him, and mom was really having some hard time with some form of dementia.

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I hate to say Alzheimer's because it didn't sound like it had been

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officially diagnosed, but there were definitely some issues going on.

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Mom and dad wanted to stay at home, which you can greatly appreciate.

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None of us really wants to be kicked out of our home, forced out of our

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home, or forced to move into someplace that we don't feel comfortable in.

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And that's not true of everybody.

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A lot of people do like to go to social environments and care facilities.

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But that's for another story.

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In this particular case, he said, we're looking to hire an aide.

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And we're going to build a small house or cabin on the property, which they

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had enough of, good acreage, good rural environment, and that's great.

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But he said, I wanted to hire one person, move them in or give them an opportunity

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to live partially rent free or rent free on the property and care for mom.

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My reaction?

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What on earth are you thinking about?

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he was stunned.

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He and his family thought this was a great idea.

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Somebody could get a nice house, a home, and be there devoted to

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their mom and eventually dad.

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Here's the problem with that, and there's several.

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The first is, you've just moved somebody into your house, whether it's

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an apartment, or into your home, or your parent's home, that you're not

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exactly sure what their background is.

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Even if you do a background check, that only gives you a

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partial picture of the real story.

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and if you have no experience, Or little experience, interviewing somebody to

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really get at the details of who they are, how they behave, their morals and

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what their professional background is.

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Then you're running blind.

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the second point is, if you move somebody in, and all of a sudden things don't work

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out, they don't work out with your mom, they don't work with your dad, you're

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concerned about the quality of care that's going on, or there's some personality

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thing that's just not happening right, try to get them moved out.

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Not easy to do, and you, that's not easy to do.

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And quite frankly, it's not fair to that caregiver.

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I recently heard of another family who had moved a caregiver all the way

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from the West Coast to the East Coast.

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In a similar situation, they moved her in, and it didn't work out for

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them, and it didn't work out for her.

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Now, not only had that individual or that caregiver moved from

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their own home, a territory and an environment that they knew, into a

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stranger's environment, and now had to leave and wasn't sure where to go.

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Most families don't even consider that.

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The third point is now that now you've moved somebody in.

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What happens if they get sick?

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What happens if they get tired?

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What happens if the situation with your mom or your dad or your loved one

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changes where they're just not competent and capable of handling the changes

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in the lifestyle or the healthcare environment situations of your loved one?

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Not good.

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Not good for you, not good for mom and dad, not good for them.

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And I say not good for them because this is important.

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When you're employing or bringing on a caregiver, you really do

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have to consider their life too.

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It's not fair to them if you don't do that.

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You are, I'd say, a team in making sure the quality of life of your

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loved one is strong and healthy and good right to that very last breath.

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And you want to make sure that they're with you too.

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So, these are just three points as to why I recommend you have more than one.

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Ideally, a minimum of three, four, we had six.

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the reason why we had six is that it gives everybody a chance to have their own life.

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And if something's not working out, one down is not that much

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of a deal to a team of five.

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Schedules change, lives change, people get sick, mom and dad's situation

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change, and your situation change.

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And your situation changes.

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Mom and Dad's situation changes, and your situation changes.

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Six sounds like a lot, but it's really not.

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And if you're relying on hiring aides independently, which is all okay, we did

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that, or through an agency, you have to understand the difference between hiring

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yourself and working with an agency.

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And there are big differences, believe me.

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so those are just a few tips, how to make sure that you're looking at the

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whole issue of bringing a caregiver or an aid into your home with the

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right set of balance for you, for your parents or loved one and for the aid.

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That's important.

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You want a good relationship with them just as much as you

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want a good relationship right to that very end and that last

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breath, as I say, with your folks.

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Why?

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Because every day counts for them, for you, and for the aid,

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if you've got the right one.

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Now, that's not it for Eldercare Success.

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There's a lot more that's going on in store here.

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And if you're caring for a loved one, chances are you're going to

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have to dial 9 1 1 at some point.

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So please, I highly recommend that you get the book, How to Survive 9

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1 1 Medical Emergencies, a step by step guide before, during, and after.

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I've written this book with my partner, my husband, and with many others

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who have been there down this road.

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He was, my husband was a first responder at one point in his life too.

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Doctors, trauma surgeons, aides, practitioners, and those who

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are attorneys, accountants, and others who have been in this

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life experience themselves.

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I guarantee it's a tool that will be of value to you and to those that you love.

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It will make your life easier.

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So that's it for another quick episode of Doing it Best With Eldercare Success.

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As I always like to say, please, if you like this show, share it with a

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friend, a family member, or somebody maybe that you just meet online at

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Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts, who looks like they're under a little bit of

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strain, and could use some help, why?

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Because it can be your gift to them, and it's our gift to you.

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We'll see you soon on Eldercare Success on YouTube, or we'll hear

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you soon at EldercareSuccess.

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live, the podcast.

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Take care.

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Bye bye.

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Love to you all.