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Hey everybody, it's Nancy May and Doing it Best With Eldercare Success.

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Years back, I remember flying down to see mom and dad.

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It was always a treat for both of them, mom, dad, and

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me and spending time together.

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although mostly my visits were to monitor their well being.

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Make sure aides were doing their job well, seeing firsthand versus

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phone calls, video monitoring, and emails is always the best way to make

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sure that things are kept at best.

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I'd also use that time to make sure I could go to doctor's appointments

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and keep that refrigerator stocked with fresh, healthy foods.

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and then any extra effort I could do to make their aides caregiving

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job just a little bit easier.

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but one thing had been bothering me on these visits.

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And it was getting worse.

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I know my lead aide had been trying to be very conscious about helping me maintain

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a good budget and had decided to take it upon herself to become mom's hairstylist.

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This aide also loved shopping for sparkly blingy clothing for mom,

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which mom loved, and we all enjoyed seeing the smile on her face.

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When she saw some shiny new shirt or a cute pair of pants, but that haircut.

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Well, they kept getting worse and worse and worse.

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You see, the reason why bring this up is because physical appearance and style

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was always important to mom and dad too.

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But we're talking about mom this time.

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From the very first day that I can remember, mom always

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took pride in how she looked.

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for herself and for dad.

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She took weekly trips to the beauty salon.

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And then taking special care in between each salon visit with her

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teased hair and that gentle backflip style of a bouffant of the day.

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Then as times changed and styles changed, the teasing and the lacquered hairspray

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styles became a lot more relaxed.

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Clothing was another important thing for mom.

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I remember a very special Easter hat that she had with these delicate

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little strawberries that would hang off tendrils on the top of a small cap.

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I don't know what it was, but I just loved watching those things

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dance around the top of her head.

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and I remember when she bought a brightly colored lily pulitzer

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dress that came into style.

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Dad loved that one too.

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But now lily pulitzer is back in fashion.

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But what does this have to do with mom who had dementia?

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Well, actually quite a lot.

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As I mentioned, mom's handy aid haircuts were We're going

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from bad to what the heck.

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I knew mom was still checking herself out in the mirror and as time went

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on she wasn't feeling too good about herself and she wasn't looking too good.

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so on one visit and during one of our regular group aid meetings to assess

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where things really were going from the aid side too, I blurted out.

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What the heck is up with mom's hair?

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She looks like hell.

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all of a sudden, there was stunned silence.

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my lead aide at the time said, she likes it when I cut and style her hair.

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My reply?

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Take her to a salon.

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You're doing a bad job.

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Okay.

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Sometimes I open mouth and insert foot.

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However, sometimes being blunt and letting those working for your folks

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know who's in charge is important.

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not just for yourself, but for your parents.

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You see, even with dementia, appearance is important.

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Not just physical hygiene, although that's critical to good health, but simple,

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plain old looking good or looking hot.

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is important to self esteem.

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and yes, anybody who has dementia or Alzheimer's still has a sense

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of self importance and self esteem.

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Yes, self esteem is important to all of us.

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And if that feeling of looking good and feeling good is lost, it can

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often cause individuals with dementia to feel insecure, lose confidence in

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themselves and their ability to do things for themselves, even worse, even

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wanting to get up the next morning.

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can you imagine looking in a mirror day in and day out and seeing yourself?

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Just sloppy and unkept for days on end?

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You'd probably quickly lose interest in doing much of anything yourself, let

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alone wanting to sit outside in the sun.

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Now imagine if you had dementia.

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How much worse you'd feel.

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Making sure our parents have a way to maintain their appearance is important.

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It creates a sense of positive self esteem and gives them

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a greater sense of normalcy.

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Doing so can also impact how we or others treat our parents.

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If you don't look good, (we're not talking about Miss America here

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by any means, but just looking nice), then others, Aids, Doctors,

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Hospitals, Restaurant Servers, etc.

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tend to lower the way they treat our parents.

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It's sad but true.

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Have you ever seen anybody standing on line who looks kind of disheveled?

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and how people tend to just sort of stare or even back away a little bit?

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That can happen to your folks too.

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Beyond good haircuts and dressing well, I have another pet peeve.

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And this one's important too.

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It's those adult bibs.

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I saw oversized baby bibs with a catch all type pocket at the bottom,

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quite often being used in the facility where mom and dad first lived.

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I understand why AIDS place those things on some of the residents at mealtime,

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But, if they do not look like something that an adult would wear, ditch it.

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Yes, this is my opinion, but I think it shows lack of respect

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and understanding for somebody who's having difficulty eating.

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In that case, find a way to make sure that food is more

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easily able to stay on a fork.

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They have bigger forks, bigger spoons, some that are just easier to handle.

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or simply plan on a quick change after a meal, a blouse, a shirt,

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a t shirt, whatever it is.

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It's okay.

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it's only a piece of clothing and can be easily thrown into the wash.

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helping your parents.

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Keep a sense of physical pride in themselves is important.

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It makes them feel better about themselves, and you

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feel better about them too.

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It will support their desire to stay strong and healthy and mentally positive.

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PMA all the way was one of my mom's sayings.

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Dad would say, don't let the bastards get you down.

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Well, I guess that's just another way of saying PMA.

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Physically looking good encourages normalcy, even when days are

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tough, physically and emotionally.

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there's nothing better than feeling self sufficient.

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Even when you can't do things entirely by yourself.

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And having a sense of pride in looking good also help somebody want to continue

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to contribute to the world, even if that's only in their own home, with a

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family member, or just helping out in aid.

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It's just a matter of respect.

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Now, if you're not living with your parents, or even if you are take a

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look at how they're physically looking.

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don't have to really be ready for the next Yves Saint Laurent Runway.

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Runway event, but looking good will help them physically and mentally.

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It may even help with some cognitive challenges.

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Vanity can be a good thing for them and you.

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On your next visit with mom and dad, pay them a compliment and see how they react.

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Gee mom, you're looking good.

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My mom once told me, you're full of shit.

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Well, she certainly told me how she was feeling, but if they smile and say thank

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you, you know, you're on the right path.

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And if they frown and look a little bewildered, you also know

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what path you're on, other than the comment that my mom have said.

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I hope this short episode helps you think just a little bit differently

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in caring for mom and dad.

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And it'll help yourself too.

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Pride in our parents also gives us extra pride in who we

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are and how well we're doing.

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Looking good can help both ways.

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On that note, if you're looking good, you'll also want to do good.

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one way you can do that is by getting the book, How to Survive 9 1 1

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Medical Emergencies, a step by step guide before, during, and after.

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You'll learn what to do in the most difficult times,

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and How To Manage Through A Healthcare System That Is Not Always Looking Out

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For You And Your Folks Best Interest.

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Being Ready Versus Reacting.

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is the best gift that you can give yourself and your folks.

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Also, if you like the show, go to eldercaresuccess.

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live and give it a five star rating.

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You can give that rating there, Or you can go to your favorite listening

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platform from eldercaresuccess.

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live as well.

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Finally, if you have a question or comment, please leave me a voicemail

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message or drop me an You can also do that at EldercareSuccess.

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Live.

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There's a blue tab on the right hand side of the screen that

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says, Leave Nancy a voicemail.

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You can leave me a voicemail or send me an email.

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Simply click and follow the instructions.

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It's easy.

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I'll read your comment or question on the next episode.

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thank you for following and being a part of the Eldercare Success Podcast family.

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Thank you for following, listening, and being a part of the

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Eldercare Success Podcast family.

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If you see somebody online behind you at Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, or

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even at the grocery store who looks a little stressed out, You might want to

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give them a link to this show as well.

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As I said, it's eldercaresuccess.

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live.

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It can be your gift and they might be a caregiver too.

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It can be your gift to them because it's my gift to you.

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Be well, stay well, and keep caring.

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Bye bye.